Neil Fein's Blog

The Spit Song
Music Copyright (c)2003 by Grazina Strolia
Parody Lyrics by Neil Fein

Nobody writes odes to spit
Nobody writes saliva ballads
Nobody writes odes to spit
Phlegm is everywhere, everybody writes about it
Phlegm is everywhere, everybody's coughin' up sh**

Nobody writes odes to ink
Nobody writes stain-filled ballads
Nobody writes odes to ink
Ballpoints everywhere, everybody's writin' with 'em
Ballpoints everywhere, nobody is ever dippin'

Rant:
Ya know, I was writing a letter just the other day on the computer, and Word chashed on me again. Again! Can you believe this? Well, I called Microsoft, and they said it was a problem with the computer. I called Dell, and they said... well, you know where I'm going with this. I threw the computer out the window in frustration, but that didn't work because as I was going to the store to get a pen, I saw that it had taken the head clean off a passing pedestrian who looked just like George Will without a head. And when the police came by, they couldn't believe that this had happened. Most murders, they said, are committed by people who are fat, female, and forty. And I'm not even female, so they asked if i had seen the, ahem, quote crime unquote take place. I said no, but asked about where to get a pen. The nice police officer said I should go to a store down the road, and I did and got a pen. But it didn't work, because you need ink for it and so I went back and yelled at the store clerk, spit flying all over the place, and threatened to throw a computer at him also if he didn't fix the pen, what did he think he is, Microsoft or something that he can ignore my problems?

Nobody writes odes to heads
Nobody writes severed ballads
Nobody writes odes to heads
Brains are everywhere, splattered all around the place
Brains are everywhere, I think I just stepped on a face
Brains are everywhere... and just get off my case!